I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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