I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
