I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
