i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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