Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
