and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
