Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
