My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
