Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
