Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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