nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
