I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
