It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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