So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
