Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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