it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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