you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
