Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
