never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
