I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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