omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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