Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
