he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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