I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
