So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
