haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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