This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
