in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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