i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
