the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize