I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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