And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
