i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize