so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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