Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
