I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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