Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
