So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
