Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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