Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
