I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
