I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
