I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
