Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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