Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
