We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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