Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
