that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
