I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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