i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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