Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
