so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
