My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
