is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize