the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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