You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
