guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
