Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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