All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
