Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
