I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
