the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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