sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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