hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
