Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
