My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my shit smells like andre
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
