Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
