is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
