dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
