i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
