oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
