oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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