So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize