The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
