I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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