My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize